22 Cheaters Explain “What Drove Me To Cheat”

Have you ever been cheated on and simply wondered why? There’s so many reasons as to what drive people to cheat. People are heartbroken when they are cheated on, and if you’ve ever been cheated on you can only think as to why you’ve been cheated on. So here are some of the reasons we found as to why people cheat.

Alex Dram

Everything is fine… except we don’t have sex

Well I haven’t done it yet. I think I probably would given the opportunity though. Basically we’ve stopped having sex. We’ve talked about it a lot and there doesn’t seem to be any resolution in sight. It’s pretty rough cause nothing else is really wrong. I think if I asked for an open relationship that would just end it (she’s rather conservative in this regard). I think staying with her is better for our child and honestly there’s nothing wrong other than the sex so it’s not like we’re fighting in front of the kid all the time or anything. I’m hoping to think of a better solution but reaching the end of my patience


Because I’m probably a sociopath.

It’s tough for me to stay interested after a few months. I have never started a relationship with someone because I was genuinely interested in them. There was always a need I wanted fulfilled at the time and they fit the bill. It was either I wanted sex regularly, or not to go on vacation by myself or spend Christmas alone, but never because the girl and I had something in common or she was interesting. After a while the person would assume that that we were a couple and because I liked the sex or companionship I’d just let it ride out.


Because I thought I was bored.

Because I thought there might be something better. Because I thought I could get away with it.

Wrong, wrong, and seriously fucking wrong.
She had sexual issues

I cheated cause I was really horny, I really loved my girlfriend at the time, but she had sexual issues and I had sexual needs.

Selfish? Yeah, probably. The funny part is she found out and didn’t really care, she actually didn’t mind because she couldn’t fulfill my needs in that area but we fulfilled every other of each other’s needs. So she said go ahead, but be safe and don’t let her know about it.

I only felt guilty after we had that talk. So I never did it again.
I was addicted to drama

My ex and I used to cheat on each other like it was a game. He was physically and mentally abusive and I was young, immature, and mesmerized by an older man. We had what I call the 3 Fs, fighting, fucking, and fun and that’s ALL we did. Super awesome highs and god awful lows with lots of sex in between. After he cheated on me the first time I cheated on him. Then we’d break up, get back together and repeat the cycle. It was like we were addicted to each and the drama. I had sex with more guys when I was with him then I did the entire time I’ve been single.


I don’t love her but I’m too weak to let her go

I cheat because even though I’m tired of her shit and her own cheating, I still find myself attached to her. I guess I still see her as mine, and it would be painful to know other guys are banging her if I let her go. But at the same time I don’t feel any loyalty to her, partly because of her lack of loyalty and partly because I resent her for some of the ways she’s treated me. Not to say I’m a victim – I’m not. One always has a choice to leave. Lately as my resentment has gotten stronger I’ve started being the asshole.

Next, I’m waiting to find another girl to form a relationship with before I dump her, so that I can make the process of dumping her less painful for myself (everytime I have tried, it has been extremely difficult as I am prone to anxiety attacks). I guess I just don’t want to be alone. I’ve noticed this one a lot in other cheaters, mostly females but some males too.

Finally, I just don’t love her anymore and I see her a friend, partly due to my resentment against her.
She just wants the dream relationship, it makes her happy

My friend says he cheats because “it’s better for everyone in the relationship, it makes both parties happier, because him the male partner is doing his own thing and she’s happier cause she doesn’t know and gets the relationship she’s always dreamed of”
I couldn’t handle her mental illness

Was married to a woman with a rapidly degrading mental condition (schizophrenia and Bipolar with bouts of psychosis/fugue states) and met a woman who was married to someone who turned out to be a deeply closeted gay guy. Long story made short, we tumbled into bed late one night at a work conference, had an amazing time, woke up the next morning and I told her, “I really don’t want to ever wake up next to anyone who isn’t you.”

She replied, “I’m all in”. 4 weeks later she moved from Kentucky to Florida, she had filed for divorce and so had I. I proposed the day my divorce finalized.

11 years, two kids later, we are happy as clams and our sex drive is perfectly matched. Will never cheat again as I have no reason to.


I thought I wanted someone more exciting, thank god I wised up in time

This is a story from my past that I’m not proud of. My then girlfriend, we’ll call her Cee, and I had been together for about 4 years in 2009. We had lived together for 3 years but had no plans to get married. Cee is the most loving and caring person I’ve ever met in my life. She isn’t the life of the party but she possesses the highest moral character of anyone I’ve ever met. This makes her the most beautiful person in the world to me. But like I said she isn’t the crazy party girl and I wasn’t sure what kind of woman I was looking for.

Things weren’t going well for Cee and I because I started hanging out with the wrong type of people. I was drinking all the time and I began to strike up a friendship with a young girl I worked with. We will call the new girl Vee. Vee was the life of the party, wild and beautiful. But this was balanced with the fact that she was immature and crazy.

I started going out to have a few drinks with Vee. We would smoke cigarettes and flirt with one another. But the moment it escalated was when we went to the movies together. It was an afternoon movie, I can’t remember the name, and there was nobody in the theatre but us. We had a moment where our knees brushed against each other. From this time on we engaged in that teenage cat and mouse game of touching each other by accident. The tension was so high at the end of the movie that we just starred at each other but didn’t do anything. I remember we smoked a cigarette afterwards and felt like we had just had sex—we were that attracted to each other.

Vee and I continued this charade for a few days and tried to act like we didn’t have feelings for each other. I’m not proud of this, but during this time, we did fool around quite a bit. Cheaters sex is like the crack cocaine of making love. It feels fantastic while you’re doing it, but once the rush wears off you are lower than you’ve ever been and require more and more of it to keep the high going. It’s an unsustainable thing that will consume you if you let it. Cee started to figure out what was going on with my all my deleted text messages and call records. It really sucks writing this because I’m not proud of these moments in my life.

It finally came to the point where I was going to leave the faithful Cee for the wild Vee. Cee came home from her job one evening and we started talking. I’m terrible at breakups so I kept beating around the bush. She finally asked, “Do you want to break up with me? If you aren’t happy just tell me but you can’t keep putting me through this.” She was crying and I felt fucking awful with myself. Cee had taken me from dark places—depression, alcoholism, family issues—and always stuck by me. She saw me for the man I could become; not for the man I was. In the back of my mind I knew something was wrong with the decision I was making. I was choosing the party girl who would be fun for a little while but who I would eventually break up with. I had relationships like this before and I knew I was making the same mistake if I broke up with Cee.

I wanted to be with Vee so bad that I broke up with Cee. She left the house crying and went to stay in a hotel that night. I called Vee and she was super excited at this development. We made plans to spend the night together and finally consummate our relationship. She wasn’t getting off work till midnight so I decided to go to the gym.

But while I was there I heard the Dan Auerbach song, Whispered Words come through my headphones (listen to this song, it’s great); this song changed my life. You have to listen to this song if you never have. There was something about it that drove me into a frenzy. I kept listening to it on repeat again, again, and again as I ran on the treadmill. I knew the decision I was making was wrong. I realized in the words of GOB from Arrested Development, “I think I made a huge mistake.”

I rushed out of the gym to Jared’s jewelry store. I walked in there reeking of stink and sweat and told the lady at the counter what had happened. After telling me, “I was an idiot” she helped me pick out a beautiful diamond ring for Cee. I told Vee everything I was feeling and she surprisingly told me to be with Cee if that’s what I wanted.

I called Cee and found out the hotel where she was staying. I arrived at her room, knocked on the door, and when she opened it I was on one knee with the ring in my hand. I wept as I told her, “I’m such a fucking idiot. Please forgive me this one last time. Marry me.”

I remember her saying, “Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Please tell me you’re serious. I can’t take this if you aren’t serious.” And I was. We both cried and I profusely apologized for all the
terrible things I’d done throughout our relationship.

We’ve now been happily married for four years with no infidelity issues on my part. And I know every day that I made the right decision.


He was disgusting

I was 17 when our relationship started. I stopped wanting to be with him one year into the relationship, but he said he’d kill himself if I ever left him and I was naive. He’d badger me for sex multiple times a day, every day, and kept insisting until I just laid there motionless while he did his thing just so he’d stop the emotional blackmail (“If you don’t want to have sex with me is because you don’t love me and I don’t have a reason to live anymore”). He literally drooled on me while he fucked me.
We had different sex drives

Differences in sex drives are a huge, huge issue. And I found that out the hard way. My husband ended up having an affair because we weren’t having enough sex. It ruined the marriage and we divorced.

There were other problems, sure. But we were not sexually compatible and I was young and didn’t realize how important that is.
I was addicted to drugs

A guy offered to have a friends with benefits situation where if I helped him out, he’d help me out. We would fuck all over his house; in his garage, backyard, hotels, car, everywhere. It was great sex at first because he was so intent on pleasing me in every way possible. Turns out he was married with 4 kids and another on the way- which I knew at the time, but didn’t care about because of how addicted to drugs I was (which he could easily attain and gave to me for free). He talked me into having a threesome. His wife found out and hates me (I’m not even sure if their still together). I have no excuse for my behavior. I quit doing drugs cold turkey and stopped all contact with him and all the poisonous people in my life over 2 years ago, but I think about my actions everyday. I’m sure no one gives a shit but, I’m crazy in love with my current boyfriend. I only slept with the both of them for the first month of us “talking” because we weren’t serious or even dating, so I’m not sure if that means I cheated… Probably does, right? My bf and I have supported each other through all our tough times and he’s my best friend. However if he found out I would lose him. I’d rather hate myself for the rest of my life than be without the best man I have ever met.


He was too passive

He got lazy. Not physically but emotionally. We have a nine month old. I know its not perfect but I come home from work he’s watching some show he comes home he’s watching some show or playing damned clash of clans. I tried to stay so far away from the guy im cheating with now because I love my SO but Jesus, I’m an emotional person and if someone is willing to open up with me and accept this damn post pregnant body I’m sorry I let them. I regret it yes, I love my SO yes. But I enjoy feeling like someone’s prize. Like someone enjoys me and actually sees me when I walk in a room. I like it when he smacks my butt too… Added bonus there
Because of the distance

I always said I would never cheat. I broke that vow recently.
My girlfriend or whatever we are now moved across the country a few months ago. Despite our phone conversations, I’ve been pretty lonely. In the meantime, a very close girl friend of mine has been having troubles with her bf. I’ve known her for years and we have always had a connection but both of us were always in other relationships so we’ve remained close friends. Several nights ago we both got drunk and had (great) sex. I felt so guilty about it the next day, though. I told my girlfriend I wanted to break up, but made up excuses as to why. We still talk but the other girl is sticking around and saying she wants to break up with her bf for me. This ordeal is giving me some serious mixed feelings.
I’m not a relationship person

I have cheated on almost all of my boyfriends/girlfriends, and I would have to say it just boils down to selfishness. I love the idea of having a relationship, but as soon as I get one I get bored and want out. Then, since I’m terrible at break ups, I cheat. Over and over again. It’s terrible, but I thrive on the attention others give me and I use it. On the flip side (not an excuse) I have been cheated on nearly as often.

This has changed recently, however, I have been in a very happy relationship for 6 months now. I did kiss someone early on, but we talked about that and my cheating habits in the past. I am eager to move on from them and change myself not only for myself, but for my loving SO.
I’m helping her make a smooth transition out of her relationship

I’m currently the ‘other guy’ in a cheater relationship.
Let me get this out of the way: They’re not married. That said, here’s why I have no regret about this:

He treats her like shit. He completely neglects her at best, has smacked her around several times, orders her around, expects her to wait on him hand and foot, and generally acts like a pompous dick. The ONLY reason she still lives there is her kids. She has two kids with him that are her first priority. She doesn’t want to lose them, so she stays and tolerates it for now until she can make sure they’re secure and safe.

We’ve been friends for a few years, and dated briefly last year when she left him, but went back because he was threatening to take the kids away, even going so far as to kidnap one of them and hide him at his grandparents’ house and send me death threats which I promptly forwarded to the Sheriff’s dept. She went back to shut him up, get her kid back, and plan her escape.

We’ve been dating again since November. In that time, she’s worked with her lawyer to make sure she has custody, saved up a few grand to make sure she’s financially secure during the transition, and in the last few weeks, started slowly packing her things and putting them in storage so he won’t notice.
She’s making the jump in 2 weeks. We’re getting a house in another town, changing her number, and only allowing contact through her lawyer or supervised visitation. She has no intention of cutting him out of the kids’ life entirely, because despite how shitty he treats her, he’s still a decent father, but she doesn’t trust him one bit.

Her mother knows about me, absolutely loves me, despises shithead, and is helping her with this plan at every opportunity.

There have been a couple other times in my life where I’ve fucked up and been the ‘other guy’ and I’ve always felt like shit about it and let it tear me up inside.

This time I have absolutely no regrets. He’s a unstable, abusive sack of shit and deserves what’s coming to him.


She wasn’t named Kayla?

Cheated on her with two different girls named Kayla. Ended up dating a complete different girl named Kayla after we broke up. I guess I like people named Kayla.
I’m just immature

The simple truth of it is, I’m selfish, I’m scared to feel anything ‘real’ and I’m still a child at heart.

I am a serial cheater, every girlfriend I’ve ever had (except my first serious one who cheated on me) I have cheated on. Most of these girls I cheated with have gone on to be my long term girlfriends, until it got serious enough or boring enough that I sought excitement elsewhere.
I need variety

I don’t know, guess you can only eat so many green m&ms before you just want to bang a red one…

Because I know I’ll probably end up alone in the end either way.
We never have sex

We don’t have sex. We have been dating for over a year and 4 months and barley have sex three times a month. I have tried talking to her about it and that it is a serious problem, but she just doesn’t feel comfortable doing it more.

She is a great girlfriend otherwise so sometimes I just need to have my needs tended too. I have no feelings for the women I cheat on her with. It’s strictly just sex.

I feel terrible about it and I should, but it’s so hard to go without it or break up with her.
I was an idiot (and it caught up to me)

In my youth I was relatively good looking and I was a selfish bastard. I only cared about myself and wanted to have a good time no matter the cost.

I would have girls come up to me and tell me they wanted me so I let it all go to my head. I would have up to five steady girlfriends at a time. Some one about each other and didn’t care, some would get hurt but I wouldn’t care, and so on.

It all bit me in the ass because I wanted a fiery girl that wasn’t as “dumb” as the girls I had been fooling so I ended up marrying an ass of a girl who ruined my life. She treated me like dirt and ruined me financially.

I never toyed around with women after that.



Leave a Reply