Infidelity is a heartbreak no one should ever have to deal with, but when it happens, most couples are left with haunting questions. No one situation can be placed in a tidy box of reasons, but if you and your husband were happily married when he had an affair, these can explain how this happened.
A spouse’s infidelity can destroy a marriage. Upwards of 40 percent of married couples are impacted by infidelity. Despite this large percentage who cheat, most will say that cheating is wrong. You may never truly know why your spouse was unfaithful. Your spouse may never truly understand it either.
Why can’t you just be faithful?
Any man who has ever been on the receiving end of that question, whether dodging crockery or wiping away his wife’s tears, knows that some women really want an answer. Do men who cheat really outnumber their female counterparts? Is infidelity in marriage more natural to men than women? And do some husbands think that “monogamy” is a board game?
The truth is, there’s never one reason why a guy strays.
The whole cheating thing would be a lot easier if there was a blanket diagnosis for all men on the face of the earth. But the truth is, men — like women! — are complicated creatures with a multitude of reasons for doing what they do.
Many people cheat after frustration in their marriage. The spouse has made several attempts to solve the problem to no avail. Or, the individual lacks the skill set to communicate feelings and needs that precipitate infidelity. There are also some spouses, albeit to a lesser degree, who do not value monogamy, lack empathy, or simply do not care about the consequences.
It is critical to realize that if you were the one cheated on, you are NOT responsible for your spouse making the decision to cheat. You are not to blame for your spouse’s behavior. You would, however, want to explore how the dynamics between you and your spouse led you to this point. Even if you are not to blame for your spouse’s choice, you will want to fix the underlying problems in your relationship.
Here Are Some Commonly Identified Reasons Why a Spouse Has an Affair:
- Conflict Avoidance
- Unresolved problems
- Sexless marriage or sexual dissatisfaction
- Feeling unappreciated
- Ego or arrogance
- Excessive conflict
- Career problems
- Looking for excitement or passion
- Validate manhood or womanhood
- Get a self-esteem boost
- As a way to end an unhappy marriage — an exit strategy
- Fear of growing older
- Thrill of the chase
- Desire to sow wild oats
- Deep-seated unhappiness
- Feel neglected
- “Buyer’s remorse” and second thoughts after wedding
- Feel trapped
- Because he/she can
- A sense of entitlement
- Financial pressures
- Escapism from daily life
- Believe he/she can get away with it
- Thoughts of being “above the law” both morally and legally
- Lack of real consequences for similar actions
- Looking for a one-night stand
- Sex addiction
- Hormonal changes
- Long-term relationship outside marriage
- Selfish or self-centered
- Is a serial/chronic cheater
In general, men are seeking more sex or attention. Men express their love in a more physical way. They often don’t have the perfect “feeling words” for their wives. So, sex becomes an important path to connection and intimacy. When the wives turn them down for sex often, they take that rejection to heart, and it can easily translate to feeling “unloved.”
Regardless of the underlying reason a spouse cheats, it can either devastate a marriage or be the catalyst for rebuilding it, depending upon how the infidelity is dealt with.